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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Writing Struggle and A Very Welcome Visitor

Oh man have I been bitten by the blogging bug! Ummm...that even sounded ridiculous to me, but it is true. I don't know how long this overwhelming desire to blog is going to last--I hope a very long time--but until it fades, I'm going to take full advantage. I also hope that I get back that drive to write my short stories and work on my autobiography, but this is all one day at a time. It's true that I miss writing my short stories a whole lot, but sometimes it's hard to get back on track with such things. I find it so refreshing to sit down and write whatever story about whatever type of person wherever they may be hiding, but I have an inkling as to why I have yet to be going full speed ahead on the story writing...and it's not so different from why I pick up my autobiography to work on it over and over again only to set it down without a word added or a phrase edited. It seems to me that I reveal a great deal of my autobiograhy in everyday life--at work, on the phone with friends, whenever anybody asks me about my "love" tattoo on my arm, and especially here on this blog, where I don't feel the need to hold back--even if that seems, and very well might be, incredibly naive. Truth be told, there is a lot I don't say and things I don't mention because they are too hard, or I don't feel as if it's the right time, or because I just don't feel like it. Or because I don't want to cry...this one usually takes the cake. As conceited as it may sound, I do feel like my story is an important one to matter who tells me that I couldn't have possibly experienced enough in only 24 years of life to write an entire book about it. Honestly, I lived through more before I reached adulthood than a lot of people do who are well into middle age. To many it may not be important, or worth reading, but if it helps just one person, then it is all going to be worth it. The difficult times that I have lived through are much more prevalant than a lot of people realize. Thankfully, the (often early) recognition of eating disorders is on the rise, and when people view it as a real disease--a killer--then we all have a much better chance of saving very precious lives. There is still a lot of work to be done, and I know there will always be people out there who think that it is much less serious than it is. The way I see it, diseases that cause 22 year olds to have heart attacks--which are very often fatal--and send others to the hospital with ruptured esophaguses are very serious indeed. Still, progress is being made and that is a positive thing--here's hoping it continues! Self-mutilation, on the other hand, still has a giant stigma attached to it...and we need to change this so that people don't die from this either. I must say I understand why people are seemingly afraid to even broach the subject--it is scary and a little strange to outsiders. Imagine for a second though what it is like for people living with it--in any form. I always know it is the wrong way to cope with problems when I have a relapse--and I know it is odd--but it is a compulsion, an addiction, and it is so very painful to live through. Not only physically, but also--more so--emotionally. There are great organizations out there trying to aide in recovery for eating disorders, self-mutilation, and the myriad of other self-destructive addictions--and I don't want to downplay how wonderful these organizations are and will continue to be. That "love" tattoo is even for one of those great groups! I just hope that more and more people everyday begin to care a whole lot more about the psychological state of our citizens.

So, what does this have to do with the lack of short story writing? Well, as with many writers, I write stories about things that I know--and I know a lot of pain. Don't get me wrong--I have written quite a few happy stories, but the vast majority of them delve right into my life (or the lives of others) and pull out emotions that are still very raw. It is absolutely therapeutic...and exhausting. Most times, it is simply too much...and so I don't write. But I believe I will very soon. Fingers crossed.

Alright! ENOUGH OF THAT!! This week is shaping up to be an excellent one, but I'm most looking forward to the weekend. One of my very best friends, Elise, is coming to visit me for a long weekend...and I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT. I'm off work all weekend, and the only thing we have planned so far is to eat sushi at my favorite restaurant. I also know we plan to go out, but when and where is anybody's guess. It doesn't even matter to me--I know we'll have fun no matter what! I wish everybody from Oxford could come too, but alas...real life calls. I wish for a day when we could all be reunited, but I don't know when that will happen. Knowing that makes me kind of sad, but I know it is just part of growing up. Because I went to college out of state, it's even harder to see everybody. We're all spread out across the U.S., but I'm happy knowing that so many of the people I care so much about are doing so well. I really am, but that doesn't make it any less difficult. Like many people I'm sure, I need just a tiny "staycation", so I'm uber excited about this weekend. I'm working the next couple days and I also have a lot of cleaning to do...but I don't even care. I studied for a whopping 5 hours last night, so I think I'm good to go in that department for the rest of the week and weekend. Maybe...I don't know. I do like to weird as that may sound. Anyway...if anything new comes up I'll be sure to post, but I need to spend the next few days (starting now!) cleaning and working. So I'm gonna get on that...right now! Have a fabulous day, rest of the week, and weekend!

1) A beautiful sunset on the way to Mardi Gras 2008. I couldn't quite capture just how magnificient it was.
2) My "love" tattoo. I am reminded everyday that I made a very good decision.
3 Me and Elise on my actual 22nd birthday...I had two parties (or outings), but I spent most of May 4th, 2008 with two of my best friends.
4) Elise, Me, and Lauren at the old Parrish's bar. This is one of my favorite pictures from college..and of all time really.
5) Me and Elise out on the Square. I love this picture!

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